Hello beautiful people! I hope these words find you well.
This past Sunday, I began my morning at a farmer’s market and somehow ended up in a coffee shop doing karaoke at 3 o’clock in the afternoon… I know. Allow me to explain.
My friend, we’ll call her Cara, and I planned to meet at a local farmer’s market on Sunday morning. She told me we’d also be meeting an old friend of hers, whom we’ll call Channel, whom I’d never met.
So, Sunday morning rolls around. On my way to the market, I drove through these absolutely beautiful neighborhoods with rich green leaves that hugged the hundreds of branches, making shade—great for a bright sunny day like this one. After a blissful 20-minute drive, I finally arrived and (lost as always) took about 10 minutes to park and finally find them.
We began with a few rounds around the market. I spent my first $10 on a beautiful, three-layer smoothie with strawberry at the bottom, mango sandwiched in the middle, and dragon fruit sitting at the very top. It was exactly the refreshment I needed on a 90-something-degree summer day. And so we talked, caught up, and introduced.
Finally, the heat has gotten to be too much for us. We made our way to the air-conditioned indoor seating area to enjoy our locally produced treats as we unveiled our most interesting college stories. I was particularly fascinated by those of Cara’s friend, Channel’s, who had me fully immersed in all of her dynamic characters. I was most blown away by her character, however. She seemed to have such a free attitude about life that I couldn’t help but study and take notes on.
After several hours of story exchanges, we grew tired and in need of a little pick-me-up. We were in desperate need of an iced matcha latte, but with no luck finding it at the market, we headed out for a little adventure.
It took us three stops to find a coffee shop that was still open on a late Sunday afternoon, but ultimately, we found ourselves at a little spot called Tea & Poets—a place that was open, served iced matcha lattes, and had an open mic.
The place was packed, with several 30-something-year-olds in wildly colored hair bravely singing 1980s anthems, karaoke style. I believe we were the three youngest people in the room. Spontaneously, Channel suggests we sign ourselves up for a song. Cara and I look at each other in disbelief. My first instinct? No way I’m doing karaoke at 3 PM on a Sunday with nothing but a fruit smoothie—and soon, an iced matcha latte—in my system. But then, I think to myself, "Well, what do I have to lose?"
“We’ll probably never see these people again,” said Cata.
She made a really great point. And even if I were to see these people again, I would make sure they’d remember me for the performance of a lifetime. So, we gave in.
Channel raced over to the karaoke directors and signed us up. She came back with a binder in her hand: the list of songs we have to choose from—a whole bunch of 1980s pop hits. We went with a classic: “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun” by Cyndi Lauper.
We wait for our lattes, have a couple sips, and sit through a few more interesting performances. After waiting for what seemed like forever, we decided we’d stay one more song. And if, after that, we still didn’t get called up, it’d be our cue to leave.
And suddenly, just as we get ready to go, they call our name.
I’m not going to lie to you. I am not the type to be intimidated by millennials I’ll never see again, but for whatever reason, my heart felt like it was beating out of my chest. I looked over at Cara, and with our eyes, we mutually agreed that we felt the same: anxious. Channel, on the other hand, was ready as ever to belt it out. And she sure did!
I started with a stiff little hip hinge that I called shaking my hips (I thought it would help get the nerves out, but it did not). I then start getting attacked by the self-sabotaging thoughts of my past self, and as I’m on the floor with a microphone to my mouth, I find it hard to let these thoughts fade away. I pride myself on not caring about what others think, but this time I couldn’t help but think of how others were perceiving me. Channel recorded our performance, and you could just see my body shrivel with mere fear and insecurity. Was my dancing weird? Was my outfit flattering me? Did I look stupid? Did I sound okay? Did I seem nervous?
I think about halfway through the performance, I finally started gaining some confidence and, like Channel, began to really belt it out. Why? It was a part of the song I was really familiar with and really loved. And just like that, those thoughts disappeared.
Prior to our performance, we decided that once this song felt too long, we’d Irish goodbye. And so we did. After about 3 minutes of a really strong performance, we ran out with waves goodbye.
On our way back to the car, we reflected on our experience—a moment we called exposure therapy. We all decided it was something we had to do a little bit more of. And doing it together, of course, would make it that much more fun.
I just recently understood the phrase “you are not your thoughts.” It took me a while for that to really register. I, like I’m sure everyone else in this world, struggles with these thoughts of insecurity and self-sabotage that do not come from me. I would never speak to myself in these ways out loud, but my head is a great place for them to present themselves. I’ve made it a personal goal of mine to stop believing these things about myself and realize that they do not come from me. I’ve also made it a point to treat myself with love and kindness, just like I do with others.
Since this is something I’ve been working on for a while now, I felt frustrated when I got up on that floor and found myself in a battle with these thoughts yet again. And this time, I almost let them win. But this once again encouraged me to turn to love, kindness, and empathy. The journey of self-love is not a linear one, nor is any journey, really. Success requires patience and understanding that sometimes you may fall a little weak. But simply being conscious of your mistakes, opening your mind, and learning something new from the experience (and those around you) is the key to getting a little bit better each time and, ultimately, evolving.
Cara and Channel, thank you for a wonderful Sunday.
Sending you all lots of love,
Anissa
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